Thursday, April 27, 2006

The Nearness of You My greatest fear is running out of things to say on my blog. I know, it's silly, but I have a fear of being abandoned. If I run out of things to say, people will lose interest, and leave me. It's silly really, because I started this blog for me to write my weird thoughts on. It's my party, and I can cry if I want to, right? So what do I care what total strangers think? Why do I have a desire for a captive audience? Why am I asking myself these questions? Do I need therapy? Do other people have this same need to feel wanted, and adored? I try to analzye myself sometimes. Try and figure out why I do what I do. The more stressed I get, the more I post, and the weirder my thoughts get. Am I just trying to push my stressful thoughts out of my head and replace them with weird ones to amuse myself? Maybe I should go over to Elizabeth's and lie down on her couch. ;) Maybe it's this big band music I'm listening to. "Elmers tune" - that's what I'm listening to right now on launchcast radio. I'm only 35, and I listen to 40's music. It's not my fault really. I grew up on that music. It's all my dad played at home, well, that and the occasional accordian and yodel tape thrown in there. Our friends would ask us "What's your favorite group?" and we'd excitedly answer "Spike Jones and his Wacky Wakakians!" Or we'd be doing dishes and listening to "Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree" or jumping on the trampoline to the "Andrews Sisters". Were we sheltered from normal music? Not really. My first record was "Kool and the Gang", my brother had "Thompson Twins", but sometimes we just preferred it. It's much more fun to sing "Rum and Coca Cola" than say...anything by "Scritti Politti". When I see this boy in my ward named Joseph, automatically, the Andrew Sisters come to my head and I sing "Oh Joseph, Joseph, won't you make your mind up?" I was born in the wrong era. I secretly long to be June Cleaver. Wear a dress with an apron, make crazy jello salads and call my husband "Ward dear". My husband has younger parents. They're only in their 50's, so he was raised with a lot of music from the 70's. The first Christmas I spent at his parents house, I was awakened early Christmas morning by "Paradise By The Dashboard Lights" :0 by Meatloaf. I knew I had married into a family opposite of mine. One of my husbands favorite songs is "Eve Of Destruction". It's depressing to me. You want a great song to listen to, how about trying "Twiddle Dee Dee" by Georgia Gibbs. My dad played K.I.X.I. (hits of the 40's 50's and 60's) at his office. When I worked for him, I used to call in every week and request it. I'm such a nerd. It is nice to hear a song and remember certain things about my dad. He died 5 1/2 years ago. I remember going out in his truck to get all his stuff out of it the day after he died. I turned on the truck to listen to last song he had listened to. It was "Moonlight Serenade" by Glenn Miller. I played it over and over. It made me feel better. Like we still had a connection.