There. I said it.

I still use Yahoo mail.

I gave someone my e-mail address today and they laughed.
"You use Yahoo?" she asked.
She made some remark about getting a lot of spam,
then, she laughed.
Laughed.  

 That hurt.

No, not really.


I guess having a Yahoo e-mail address in 2013 is the equivalent of pulling your polyester pants up really high, or having a "kick me" sign stuck to your back.
It may very well be why I don't have many friends.

Well I like spam, so...there.

If it weren't for spammers, I'd have no e-mail.
No e-mail and no one to help me. 
Now, with Yahoo mail, I have people waiting to help me.
Do I "need cash?"
Am I "suffering from chronic pain?"
Do I "want to know the Internets best kept secret?" they ask.
(Found out, not telling you.)
People want to know my "invention and product ideas."

What's that?
You didn't know I had invention and product ideas?
Maybe because you never e-mail my Yahoo account.
"Inspire children by becoming an Elementary School teacher!" and
"View thousands of single women!" they beg.
I'm all like, "Woah, I'm only one person!"
But I secretly like the attention.


"Uh, Carrot? Why do they want you to view thousands of single women?"

Actually, I was wondering the same thing.
My first thought was maybe they needed help for that matchmaker show.
You know,  weed out the crazies for them, perhaps?
Then I remembered that Yahoo thinks I'm a man.

"Why would they think you're a man?"

Er...I might have told them.

I like to throw people off my trail.
"I'm a loner Dotty, a rebel."

 


That's what I always say.

Except sometimes, I switch it up and say,
"Do not e-mail me, for I might use Yahoo...."



Yahoo mail is like having white New Balance tennis shoes.
They might not be cool, but they are stable and you get noticed.
Maybe not for the right reasons,
but noticed, nevertheless.

"You've jumped the shark, Carrot."

Yes.
Yes, I have.
Thank you and goodnight.