All natural lip plumper.

Everyone is so into organic these days, and giving people tips,
I thought I'd get in on the action too.
I've got a lip plumper so amazing, you won't believe it.
It's not only free, and organic, it actually works.
Just follow these simple steps, and you'll have plump-age within minutes!
Step 1. Grab your metal rake and a garbage bag.
Step 2. Set garbage bag down behind you, and rake leaves, weeds, and ivy until you form a little pile.
Step 3. (Most important!) Set rake down on the stairs so that the metal rake part is right by your foot, and the handle is resting on the stairs, and properly lined up with your mouth. This might take a while, or it might happen without even trying!
Step 4. (The tricky part!) Turn around and pick up the garbage bag while picking up your foot. Quickly turn back around (towards the rake) then pound your foot down on the metal prongs of the rake so that the handle jumps up and smacks you in the face!
Voila! Instant plump-age!
Don't mind the blood oozing out of your mouth.
It's just from a gash inside of your lip, and it should stop within a few hours.
(I don't really know, because I'm only two hours into the procedure.)
If you only get one side or the other, hurry and repeat the process right away.
Otherwise you might lose the courage it takes to do the other side.
Hey, I never said it wouldn't hurt, I only said it would be worth it.
Oh wait, I never said that either.