You know why? Because I don't like to smell like bacon. Now I know some of you do, but not me. I'd rather smell like garlic. When you cook bacon, the smell permiates your clothing, skin, hair and house. Basically, you smell like a diner. When I cook bacon, then I go somewhere, I alway apologize for my scent. My husband likes bacon, and in the 15 years we've been married, I've probably only made it 5 or six times. I can't help but link bacon to poor people either. Yes, it's expensive, but poor people eat it. When we lived in Kansas, I met this family that was extremely poor. No carpet on their floors, just cement. 2 bedrooms for six people, and only cots and a chair to sit on. I went to visit one day, because they were really friendly, happy people and I liked them. When I walked in the door, I immediately smelled bacon. They were just sitting down to eat a whole plate of it. I'm not talking 8 slices either. The plate was stacked with bacon. Why, there must have been 3 or 4 packs of bacon fried up on that plate. I sat there thinking to myself things like, "Who eats a pile of bacon for dinner?" and "Is this dinner, or is this a snack?" I, of course, partook of the bacon, but soon left because it really bothered me. I wondered how many times a month they ate plates of bacon. It still bothers me. My husband asks if we can have B.L.T.s, and I panic. "I'm going to smell like bacon!" I say. Now he's got this idea in his head that we need a Fry Daddy. A FRY DADDY? He says we can make doughnuts, I say we can buy them at the store, and THEY can smell like oil. That's another thing. What do you do with the leftover grease and oil? My husband told me I should save it, and leave it on the stove. Uh, excuse me, this is not the 1800's and there is not a shortage. I, personally, dump it. Who wants to keep that crap? "Oh it adds flavor!" you say? Criminey, if you want flavor, go get some bacon extract or something. I'm sure you'd be less smelly. Not that you smell or anything.
**Note: This post is lame. I'm finding it hard to even want to blog lately. I hope you appreciate this bacon entry. I wrote it especially for you.
29 comments:
This is NOT lame!! I can't stand smelling like any kind of flesh other than my own. Even as a child I'd hate it when my dad would make bacon or sausage. I'd feel like I needed to go change my clothes and shower again.
Even now when i cook meat I have all the windows open and fans running so I don't smell like meat. Gag!!! I close all the bedroom doors so the smell doesn't get in the rooms, either.
I feel that you did write this entry just for me, even if you didn't, but you probably did :)
I wouldn't want a fry anything thing, either.
I hate the permeating smell of bacon, too. But I actually have intense cravings for bacon. Regularly. And sadly enough, the plates of bacon you mentioned made me want to fry some up right now. How's that for sick? But maybe I'll just reread this post and call it good - the post doesn't stink. :)
Oh Carrot - you ARE a snob! You're a bacon smell snob! And here you were so worried.
You really have to wonder, when you sit next to someone at church or whatever and they REAK of a certain food. It makes me want to go close my closet doors and put lavender in there or something. I don't know what it makes you wonder about - but you really do have to wonder.
I can't believe you think this post is lame. It's hilarious. The image of the Kentucky Hoe-Downs sitting around a huge platter of bacon and chowing down like there ain't 15 more pigs out in the backyard is enough to make me cackle like a hen (not that they cackle).
I really like bacon, but not enough to cook it that often. I'd rather go to a restaurant for my BLTs.
Is it "reak" or "reek"?
I love the smell of bacon cooking, but never thought much about smelling like it myself. It's not like I wear Eau de Oscar Mayer or anything.
Thanks for the post. You are one of the most selfless people I've never met!
A BLT sounds really good right now. Mmmmmmm.
I love bacon, but yeah, I hate that everything smells like bacon for twenty-four hours after I cook it. Alas, it is often worth the sacrifice. ;-)
"My husband likes bacon, and in the 15 years we've been married, I've probably only made it 5 or six times."
This is the part that makes me sad. Christmas? Every year. Bacon? Every THREE years. :(
>Bacon? Every THREE years. :(
:D Too funny
Nuke it, sister. Nuke the bacon. The stuff that you buy at the store isn't half bad, and you don't have to stand over the grease pit.
That's why I refuse to fry chicken. The stench that seems to make everything else in the entire house stink to high heaven.
B.L.T's...I haven't had those in forever, yummo.
I slow cook pinto beans with bacon.
I have been in homes where the smell is that strong. I think it's Lard that is there. My Great Grandmother used it in everything and her home scent was a mix between roses and lard.
Your pregnant, you'd better not read this bacon stuff too much...or you'll make yourself sick.
PS...my husband could roll in bacon grease and frolic in the yard. He would be forever happy.
I have to share one of my favorite lines from City Slickers here (as they are contemplating Curly's death). .
"The man ate bacon at every meal. . .you CAN'T do that!"
I agree, try the ready to go bacon, it's only like 30 seconds in the microwave. That's the only way to go!
I HATE smelling like bacon too and I hate even more that the smell lingers in my house for days afterwards. I do like to eat it, but we have hardly ever cooked it in our almost 7 years of marriage. I always get some if we go out for breakfast though.
You are soooo funny. I could never blog about something as ordinary as bacon and have it turn out so good. Somehow you make ordinary seem exciting. Maybe I'm just really boring....
I don't like cooking bacon either. It is stinky, greasy and I always burn it. So why bother, if you can't even bear to eat it once you've cooked it to a crisp.
I like the microwave idea. I'll have to try that.
The only bacon I like to smell is Kevin Bacon!
"Come to momma you little rule breakin', flour sack liftin', messy hair sportin', veedubya drivin', gymnast! I'm wearing the red boots that my preacher daddy hates, just for you!"
**Note: This post is lame
PSHAAAAA....don’t ruin this for me carrot.
I heard from a very reliable source this was an excellent post.
Ok fine, that source was Millie, but she was still right.
So I guess this mean I have to leave my bacon earring and necklace back at home when I visit you.
Dang, it went great with my outfit too.
When I cook bacon, I put on my saucy little waitree outfit. You know, the one with the little apron and name tag that says 'FLO,' on it? Then I tell Papi that he can just "Kiss My Grits!"
I've started baking bacon. Yes, baking bacon. It turns out crisp and I don't have to slave over a hot stove. I also cook about 4 packs at a time because then I storage it for use on my ultra lazy 'Baked Potato Nights.' There was a time that I couldn't eat bacon because two pigs were getting amorous on my grandpa's farm and he said that they were "Making Bacon." Ewwwwww. Just plain ewwwwww.
Carrot....I'm am soooo with you!
If my family BEGS and I mean BEGS me to cook it....I will open all the doors and windows even in the dead of winter to get rid of the smell. Not lame.
I can't stand left over oil. Once I forgot that I left some in a cheap no name brand fry daddy and it went rancid....talk about stank. Makes me wanna hurl thinking about it. My husband would laugh at this post, because I made bacon for easter breakfast and I kept asking him if I smelled like pork during church.
Well, I don't mind the taste, but the cooking of it in my house is too big of a deterrent.
A couple of months ago I made a fiasco of some fish I was craving and smelled of it long after such things are socially acceptable. The next day at church someone approached me to talk and a few seconds in, scrunched up her nose and said, "eeww, do you smell that? Let's move out into the foyer." I didn't have the nerve to tell her I, and it would follow.
Oh, p.s. When we lived in Missouri we succumbed to peer pressure and bought a "Fry Daddy" and my husband laughs every time he hears those words. We just got a cheap ol' one and actually, it's pretty cool.
I love bacon! I buy a brand at Costco that is pre-cooked and microwaves crisp! That way my house doesn't get so smoky. :-)
I never fry bacon, unless once in a decade if we're camping. Then I'm afraid some non-human creature will be attracted. At home, maybe once every year or two and it goes in the microwave and cooks perfectly. This post was great, very non-lame, and I laughed, too at mr. carrot jello's comment.
Oh, by the way, no fry daddy. That's just wrong. Our cooking methods in this house are anti-fry. I know whatcha mean about the smell. When younger I babysat kids at church and one little dirty kid reeked of rancid oil. Ewww. I vowed my kids would never have to smell like that. :-D
I admit it, I like bacon. My husband is the champion bacon fryer in our house. He has a method, which I just don't get. We have breakfast for dinner every couple weeks - I make the pancakes, dh fries the bacon - a perfect marriage.
ROFL @ "Kevin Bacon"!!!!!! Yowza!!!!
Oh, that was good. I love that Annie girl.
P.S. I ate bacon today and thought of you. I also told my mom about your post and how funny it was. She said, "Is she one of those girls you know from your BLOG?" You should hear her say that word, it sounds so funny coming from her.
I would have been freaked out too over the big pile of bacon they could have at least toasted some bread and made bacon sandwiches like I do when I'm being particularly lazy. I use the pre cooked bacon too it's super fast and it cooks in less than a minute in the microwave. I love doing things fast and easy.
I'll see Annie one Kevin Bacon and raise her a 'Kevin Bacon BITS!'
Only buy the genuine. Accept no Kevin Bacon Bits imitations.
Well, then I guess you don't want to visit my house. I have a big pan of oil that's on my stove, and has been there for a couple of months. I use it for scones, won tons, and chicken nuggets.
Maybe you could try the kind that cooks in the microwave like carronin suggested for a special treat for your dh.
I shall now attempt to respond to all of your comments.
*ahem*
Elizabeth, Just for you. Just for you.
Code Yellow, I like bacon. I just don't want to eat a whole plate of it. Without some pancakes or something.
Millie, I must remember that I am a bacon snob. Actually, a bacon cooking snob.
It's "reek" I believe.
Jennifer, LOL "Eau De Oscar Mayer" Strange, I feel like vomiting.
Beth, maybe you could make my husband some BLTs and send them over.
Mr. CJ, you are mighty funny.
Marc? As in Marc, my brother? I don't believe it. Must be some other Marc.
Rug, yes, but is it crispy?
Glitters, funny you should mention fried chicken. We were just in the store and my husband said "Have you EVER made fried chicken??"
PJ, you husband sounds like my husband.
Wendysue, Yes, but is it crispy?
Katie, same here.
Amanda, we don't know if it's crispy. Who likes soggy bacon?
Annie, Kevin bacon is old and crispy. He needs a haircut.
NCS, Leave your bacon clothes at home. We can eat fried fish.
EWL, you know you can buy bacon bits in a jar? That way you don't have to cook 4 packs at a time and freeze them. ;)
B, that's why I try not to make bacon if I have to go anywhere.
Angela, how embarassing.
Stacey, Ah, so it is crispy!
Wendela, there's nothing like the smell of rancid oil. Okay, maybe dead things.
Wendy, I like bacon. At Denny's
Millie, I'm glad you ate bacon. I wouldn't want to sway your opinion of it. I just don't like to cook it. You could bring home some bacon for me and I wouldn't mind.
Carronin, I know, there was no starch or anything. Just bacon.
EWL, Kevin Bacon Bits? Hmmm that's awfully close to Kevins Bacon Bits. Lets not go there.
Mimo, I could visit, I just wouldn't touch your oil. ;)
And he can make his own bacon if he wants it.
I hate the way the smell of bacon lingers too. It is so good though. mmm greasy meat!
Score, I found the bacon post and it was definitely entertaining, not "lame" by any means. I now understand your bacon bandaids. Maybe if you cook bacon for your DH and you put your bandaids on, you won't reek of the bacon smell.
It was fun sitting next to you today, even if you are a leftie ... although I don't think we bumped elbows once. And you didn't smell like bacon, in case you were wondering :) !!
Relax before your new addition gets here next week!
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