Wednesday, January 16, 2019

I was at the grocery store tonight with a friend, and was being sassy as I usually am when I have an audience.
Yes, a grocery store is considered an audience to me.
Anyhoo, I was talking to the clerk, and the chashier behind me said, "Don't make me pull this store around. I'll do it!"
You know what I said?
You remember the whole "Do you kiss your grandma with that mouth" Target incident?
Yeah, so you know how quick I am on my feet, right?
I turned around and said, "I'll behave."
Geez.
Out in the parking lot I'm telling my friend how I should have said, "Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try!" but no. The only clever thing I could say is, "I'll behave."
I'm telling you, I am getting old.
Not so fast on my feet anymore.
Physically or mentally.
Don't even challenge me to a race, because I'll just say, "READY? SET? GO!" and watch you run off, while I sit down.
It's sad.

17 comments:

Nancy Face said...

Yep...I remember the Target thing!

I suddenly feel very cool...because I'M FIRST!!!

Mama said...

YAY! I'm second place.

Which is first place loser.

I'm totally close to first! :)

I'm losing my fast on the feet thing as well. Wait - I never had it....

Heidi said...

ah, but what did you say to make the other cashier say "don't make me pull this store around"? you must have used up your clever before that, lol

Randi said...

I'm with Red. I want to know what you said right before that. Must've been a pretty good one!

Super Happy Girl said...

Details! WE demand details.

Seeing that "this many days until Elastic comes to my house" counter made my heart happy.
Do you know I dream of seeing you two together? I do, seriously, you are meant for each other.

The End.

Heffalump said...

Its okay...we can't be witty all the time...it makes the little people feel bad.
You probably made that cashier's day...they probably went home and blogged about it!

Hey It's Di said...

I think of my best stuff about 30 minutes AFTER the situation/conversation ended. I blame it on Alzheimers. I can't just spit these things out quickly anymore:(

Sketchy said...

That race thing works good with little kids by the way...for a little while.

Shawn said...

Well, I have my "on" days and I have my "off" days, but generally, I am still pretty sharp... (I have to stay on my toes, I am the only woman in a band with six guys---I am ALWAYS having to one up them!)

Kate said...

Target...*sigh*...they can't get one here fast enough. I think "I'll behave" is a good answer and I'm with Heff...she probably relayed the conversation to several people (or a blog!).

Anonymous said...

Good behavior is so overrated.

Chell said...

Its ok...you're just saving up your witty comments for the next time, and then you will rock. You'll see. :)

Chell said...

You're going to meet Elastic!?! No ways! Thats too unfair....

Physcokity said...

hahaha I've never really been that quick of a thinker, except in certain company...

Brad's gaggle of girls said...

I always think of the funny stuff at 3 in the morning ater the opportunity has passed!

wynne said...

You did a lot better than I would have under the circumstances. At least yours made sense. Me, I probably would've said, "That's what SHE said! *snort*" And I would've been greeted by blank stares (including my own as my brain would try to figure out what was wrong with my mouth).

Maybe you should consider getting injections. Of something. That make you funny. Like clown plasma. Or stand-up-comedian pheromones. I think they inject them in your face.

And no matter what, I'll always think you're funny.

Unknown said...

Don't worry you can hone your skills again at our special, "Witty Retort Workshop," in a few weeks.