I would like to talk for a moment about pens. We live in a world full of competition, but some areas are still considered safe. I can no longer say this about pens. Yes, pens. For the past few months, my bulk e-mail folder has been filled with e-mails about pens. "Pens??" you say? Yes, pens. Although, for some strange reason, the e-mails have one thing in common. The people sending these e-mail all have the same key on their keyboard broken. It is, my friends, the apostrophe key. Instead of "Pen's", they all write "Pen1s". What they don't know, is that they don't even need the apostrophe in there, but I won't mock them for that, because they don't know any better. That's just the kind of gal I am.
I never thought about owning a pen being a competition, but apparently, everyone e-mailing me is trying to get me to have bigger "pen1s". Their English is not always legible, but I can usually make out what they're trying to sell.
"chz Who has the bigger pen1s.? kkd"
"Size Does Matter ! oco "
"Get A Bigger Pen1s Today! fb"
"Increase Your Pen1s Width (Girth) By upto 20%"
Now, I don't know about you, but the last time I cared about having a big pen was in fourth grade. I'd go on vacation, and always come back with a big pen, or a fat pencil. Who knew they'd be such a hot item for adults? "Size does matter?" Not to me, folks. "Who has the bigger pen1s?" Who cares? "Get a bigger pen1s today!" No thanks. "Increase your pen1s width by up to 20%? Hello? Makes it harder to write, the fatter it is. Nope, I'm happy with a black regular sized bic pen. One with which I try to spell correctly. Well, most of the time.
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
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44 comments:
Awesome post.
I keep a cup of matching pen's on my desk. If it doesn't match, it goes in the junk drawer. I also like all my pen's to have a cap. No cap? Go to the junk drawer. I also like all my pen's to be black, because you know what they say,
"Once you go black you never go back!"
noodles are shooting out of my nose!
You are once again, the only one to crack a smile on me!
Whoo Wee!
That is a huge pen.
:: stopping right there ::
Peter Gabriel said it best:
Big time
I'm on my way-I'm making it
Big time big time
Ive got to make it show yeah
Big time big time
So much larger than life
Big time
Im going to watch it growing
Big time
PENS!!
oh.my.hell!
You are funny!
My favorite pen prematurely loses it's flow.....do any of the emails have an answer for that?
All my pen1s I got because someone was trying to sell me drugs. All my pen1s say things like Ambien, Abilify, Sonata, or Rozerem. But my favorite pen1s are are Lamictal (fat, orange with black) or the old Prozac pen1s--fat and purple.
Payney wins an award for making me blush!
I keep getting e-mails telling me how to make my girlfriend happy with bigger pen1s. First of all, I don't have a girlfriend, but my advice to the guys out there is that a woman should love you regardless of your pen1s size.
My pen1s is purple. Maybe I've been holding it too tightly?
That is one hilarious post! What a witty genius you are!
too funny. I'm off to check my junk email folder so i too can get a bigger pen.
Glitters, thanks. Pens are awesome.
Annie Annie Annie.
Dee, that is a funny mental picture.
Millie, I thank you for that.
NCS, I had no idea he was singing about pens. No idea.
B. Oh my goodness. No idea how to answer that.
Elizabeth, Oh my.
Elastic...er...hmmm
Ordinary, can I quote you?
Orchard, good luck!
funny. you are the best. That was a good way to get the morning started in my size 10 shoes. . .
Oh my gosh! Some of these comments are second ONLY to this hilarious post.
I know some people who worried about the size of their pens long after they were out of 4th Grade.
I'm totally jealous that lafawnduh is commenting on your blog.
Oh my goodness carrot! I don't even know what to say. Thanks for educating me. I had no idea that pen1s size was such a hot topic. No idea! Where have I been all this time?
The rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves! ;)
Lafawnduh, don't go in that direction with your shoes.
Nobody, would you be even more jealous if I told you Lafawnduh is my sister? Kip is my bil.
Amanda, I don't even know what to say to some of these comments. I was just talking about pens.
Carrot, don't pay any attention to thes girls their minds are on other things-obviously
All I know is my DH has a nice blue pen,no cap but a nice smooth retractable point
Wow. The comments! :)
Jean, woah Nellie
Millie, golly, I don't know what to say anymore.
Er...I like pens. I uh, have a few favorites. So, how is the weather?
:D This post should earn an award, anyone?
Oh My goodnes......That was soooooo funny! I laughed so hard.
I am so glad I found your blog again!
I love my pen I've had the same pen for the last eighteen years. It hasn't run out of ink, yet. It's always there when I need it.
By the way hilarious post Carrot!
PJ, it's hot here. About 80 all this week. How about there?
Mom2, Thanks. These are the things I think about.
Carronin, naughty naughty.
What about when pen1s dry up? Can holding your pen1s wrong cause that? Does shaking your pen1s help? What about when your pen1s leak all over your purse or new outfit? Or is that only my pen1s?
Tori, does your pen belong to Bill Clinton?
And is Jean trying to tell us that she got her pen in Europe or something, because I think I'm confused.
he hee....you said pen1s...
I prefer a fine tip myself...any color really...not too picky anymore...just a nice fine tip. OH, and I like to use the white out sometimes when things don't turn out right.
Jean is saying that she hasn't paid much attention to her favorite pen1s lately.
sodak, huh? Never mind.
Boy you sure know how to create a commenting frenzy.
Oh my gosh, hilarious. Brilliant stuff, this. So glad you stopped by my blog today! It's great to "meet" you!
Oh my goodness, I have tears streaming down my face. Carrot, you're cracking me up! :D
Tori, I am speechless
Elizabeth, my head is spinning
Sodak, I said pencils too. White out is good. You can't see your mistakes if you use white out.
B., ah...um...okay
Heffalump, who knew pens were the key to getting comments?
Brillig, 'Twas Brillig that did it! Had to say it.
Suzanne, Wipe your tears, and don't read the comments.
My blog needs a shower.
I love it! I love it! I love it!
"who knew pens were the key to getting comments?"
Not regular pens my dear but GIGANTIC enhanced pens!
(I L O V E that she plays innocent!)
*Blushing too much too comment*
Of all the mindless crap, those Pen1s e.mails! I get nauseous every time I have to clean out my spam box. My all time favorite was the one with a subject line that posed the question, "Want to show a bigger bulge in your pants?"
Isn't that what every woman wants?? Yes! Finally! The sum of all my life's problems -- solved in one fortuitous SPAM e.mail!
i don't think there's anymore that can be said about pen1s. the whole time i was reading the comments and trying to IGNORE the meaning of them, i was thinking about that awesome fat pen that i always wanted in elementary school. the one with different colors and you could push the little lever down adn get a new color. those were awesome. but i never got one.
Psycokity, thanks, and welcome!
NCS, lol
B, don't be coming onto me. I'm married. And straight too.
Jennifer, do you blush when you write with pencils? I'm talking about pens people.
Emily, Welcome! I love it when they ask "Wanna get bigger?" I think to myself, "Nope, I'm fat enough, thank you!
Aubrey, Don't be jealous, but I had one of those.
Here I am. Just doing part to ensure that this thread reaches the 40 comment mark.
And NOW it has!
Cue the balloon drop. Bring out the Silly String Ninja Squad. Release the dancing bears from the giant cake. We gonna party like it's 1999!
Purple pen1s, retractible heads, this is too much. Great post!
I had one of the four color pen1s too - in seventh grade. My sisters didn't get one until they were much, much older.
Pretty sure my supervisor gave me a huge pencil as a souvenir from her trip to Disneyland. It's got tinkerbell all over it, and it's purple.
OK last one, but speaking of junior high...pen1s were cool then too, but they called it the pen15 club.
Woweee. Remind me to write something about genitalia next time I'm hurting for comments. ;)
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