If you've never seen the movie "Deliverance", that wouldn't be funny to you. If you have seen the movie, it probably wouldn't be funny either, but it might make you chuckle...nervously.
The other day while driving to the store with my coupons, I was listening to the radio.
"Wow, you are talented!"
Yeah, yeah, you're funny.
They were talking about the woman that just gave birth to 8 babies, and how she already had 6 at home, yada, yada, yada...and then they said she's been receiving death threats.
Excuse me?
Death threats?
For having babies?
Let's see...so you want to kill her because she has a bunch of kids, and make her children orphans?
Well aren't you brilliant.
"Carrot, it wasn't me..."
Yes I know, but can I just say something about death threats? And bomb threats for that matter?
Why do people believe threats, when most of the time that is all they are?
People, if you really want to kill someone, or bomb someone, why tell them in advance?
Did you ever believe that someone had put a bomb in your school when they made you go outside during class?
Not me.
No, I was all like, "Why would they get everyone out first?"
I know I wouldn't like to be notified if someone's coming to get me.
What's that all about?
So I can put on a clean shirt and have my hair combed?
"I'm going to kill you!"
"Okay, I'll be ready in 10 minutes!"
Whatever happened to the element of surprise?
That's why I close my eyes if I think I'm going to be in a car accident.
I'd rather not know when it's going to happen.
Just surprise me.
Not really.
I'd rather not die, but if it ever happens, I hope it's a surprise.
Cake would be nice.
Like a surprise party or something.
I'd never expect it.
Well now I would, because I gave you the idea and all.
...
On second thought, can't we all just get along?
25 comments:
OK, this was hilarious. If someone's going to kill me AND give me warning, they'll have to take me the way I am. I'm not giving them the satisfaction of being well-groomed just because they told me they were coming.
And yeah, what's up with the death threats? "Have any more kids and I'll kill you"? The poor kids are already missing a father...
Isn't it enough that she isn't getting the free house and ten billion free diapers she was hoping for? Not to mention the sleep deprivation...
If anyone out there is hoping to kill me I'd rather they do it while I am asleep, because I prefer to die in my sleep. That means they had better be good at what they do so I don't wake up not dead yet...
I personally think the bomb threats are all about someone wanting to get out of school early...
You should write jokes for Conan.
Death threats?! I'm wondering if there really are that many more sick, crazy people in the world, or if they're all just coming out of the closet because the media welcomes them with open arms. So sad.
The bomb threats at school always seemed to happen during the week of Finals at my school.
I WAS going to send you a cake, but now - forget it. The suprise is ruined.
I'd rather not know either.
I'd love cake--surprise or not ; )
Thanks a lot. I was laughing out loud in this internet cafe and now the people on either side of me think I´m a crazy gringa! Paddle faster I hear a banjo. Priceless.
Hasta luego!
That was a fantastic post. Thanks.
I have seen that movie Carrot.
...
I didn't know any better. I hated it. It's evil I tell you. Burn it.
Burn it with fire!!!!
(Shhh, let's make it a suprise fire)
You are seriously cracking me up! I don't get the whole thing with telling people first either. In fact, surprise parties usually don't end up being a surprise. People just can't keep their traps shut:)
Pass the cake
...b-b-b-banjos?
eep!
(I know about that horrible movie. *shudders*)
Forget rowing faster--get the outboard motor going already and break out the guns.
And I'm completely with you on the bomb threat thing. Why threaten? Why not just bomb?
But threatening a woman because she had a bunch of babies...that's just weird. People sure are stupid sometimes. (Like when they give you advance warning that they're going to do something bad to you.)
You should get Nobo's J to make you a cake. He's got mad skillz.
I think the death threat warning is a good thing. Think of how much better those crime scene corpses would look if they'd been able to prepare. :)
Why would you kill someone for having kids. Those stupid people need to get a life. Worry about yourself and leave everybody else the heck alone.
Good day.
Mmmm...cake
You are talented.
I read an article based on that lady about women "addicted" to having children. Yes, because they couldn't just take joy in motherhood.
Not that I'm advocating for becoming a single mother of 14 children by the way.
But let's not orphan her children either.
Billy Redden.
Bill McKinney.
A couple of creepy, scary dudes!
(I admit it. I had to do some digging to come up with those names).
What are we waiting for? Did I miss something? Again?
I'M CONFUSED, I don't know what I'm supposed to do
; ((((((((((((((
I've never seen that movie, but that's okay. I don't even feel left out or anything! :D
EXCELLENT post. I love the way your brain works. Seriously.
About the post above:
Reah?
Thursdays work:
I like it!
I could HEAR you say "Well aren't you brilliant." And I loved it.
And I also really like, "Reah?"
But wait, back to you.
You make me laugh.
I must admit I've never seen Deliverance, but I still find that quote quite entertaining.
"I'd rather not know when it's going to happen.
Just surprise me."
Thanks for the giggle ;)
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