So yesterday, I'm pulling out of the Target parking lot with my daughters, when all of the sudden I hear, "What are you? A F_____ stupid A____?!?"
Apparently, I about hit someone that was walking behind my van.
Well, my daughter's window just happened to be open, and I wasn't about to let that lady cuss at me in front of my daughters without saying anything, so you know what I say?
(remember how tough I am)
I yell out the window,
"OH yeah?!?" (think! think!) "You...you kiss your mother with that mouth??"
(oooh)
My daughter says "Mom! Stop!" while she quickly tries to roll up her window.
I stop the window from going all the way up, because, by this time, I've come up with a far greater comeback.
You want to know what it is, right?
This is my second comeback (just in case she missed the first one)...
"You kiss your GRANDMA with that mouth?!?"
Oh yeah, I am bad to the bone, right?
You throw a person's grandma in an insult, and it's far worse because she's elderly.
I am telling you, I walk towards a crowd, and they scatter because I'm so bad.
So then, a half hour later I think of a better one.
(dang it. doesn't that always happen?)
So, this is what I should have said...
"Lady, you've got the wrong store! You need to be at Walmart with mouth like that!"
I know, right?
I'm telling you, don't mess with me.
41 comments:
I LOVE the wal-mart comeback. Mine always come a half hour too late too. I'm thinking of making up situations and practicing my retorts. Good, cutting ones aimed at people's grandmas. You crack me up.
Oooh, you are bad, alright.
But, hey--what contest??
I usually have the sound of the computer off so I am sorry I didn't notice!
I wanted to enter your contest, but I was out of town for the weekend, and I can't think of anything original.
My brain is tapioca...blame the baby.
You go TOWANDA! Way to tell that woman!!
PS. I have my computer muted so I didn't notice the music. Sorry! :(
You should hear the amazing comebacks I come up with...about 3 hours later, in the shower.
LOOOVE the Wal-Mart comeback! :D
I didn't know your music went bye-bye...I always have the sound muted because I'm too dumb to read and listen to music at the same time.
I love All the comebacks! You are bad and brave!
No sound on here....
ROFL!! That was such a great story to start off my Monday! You crack me up!
well, i know not to mess with you half an hour after the first incident, lol. i'm so like that too... the best lines come way too late.
right after i entered your contest (and whined about not being able to log on here today) i managed to get on... crazy, hey?
and then i see the guilt trip... ha! i got in under the wire. The music, I didn't notice because it always delays coming on and usually I've hit the comments link delaying it further.
My computer's on mute (glad I'm not alone) because I can't think and read at the same time, I think I have ADD or something. As for the contest I have been thinking and thinking about a name and could only come up with something like "12 Angry Women" but that didn't sound like somthing you'd probably use anyway.
I'm glad I'm not walking behind your van...course I wouldn't have used quite the words she did, but all the same I'd hate to have my grandma insulted, she's so cute!
My speakers are off... sorry! And I don't feel guilty about the contest! I ENTERED! HA ;)
Love the Wal-Mart come back... I am like you... I think of awesome things to say... much too late!!
I have very slow dial-up. I love your music. I don't know how you find such great stuff. I use Playlist but nearly everything I try to get, they don't have or it doesn't work. Go figure....
I am unaware of a contest. I entered 1 since I went on-line 11 months ago. I worked like a fiend decorating my blog for Halloween--got lots of comments, begged for votes, still lost w/o even honorable mention. I don't care to be so disappointed again. There can only be 1 winner and unless I'm the only entrant, I will be just another LOSER!
Love the story. I am never prepared for those moments. I, too, have family who wish for me to be silent but we can't always suffer in silence from the slings and arrows of our new enemies.....
I get them later and am the hero in my own mind!
The Wal-Mart comment got a big belly laugh out of me. I'm a member of Wal-Mart Haters Anonymous.
So she called you a:
Flaky Stupid Apple?
Fat Stupid Agitator?
Flamboyant Stupid Ascot-wearer?
Farting Stupid Alimony-payer?
Fabulously Stupid Armpit?
You be bad!
You should save that comeback Carrot, hopefully you'll never have to use, but dang it, it's too funny.
I didn't enter your contest becuase I'm lame and can't think of anything kewl that would have hald way amuse you :(
How about "The Girls NCS loves"?
All those comebacks are WAY better than anything I would have come up with on the spur of the moment.
Wow! Three comebacks in one day! Do we come from the same gene pool? I would have been the one to roll up the window because I couldn't think of anything. Usually, within a week I come up with something. So here is my submission for the "too late to use it" contest:
"Oh sure, pick on a blind girl!"
Hmph. You've never commented on MY music. It was revenge on my part, really.
Or laziness.
But I did notice.
Even though I didn't notice you removed the music, how on earth do you add music to a blog in the first place? I've been trying to add it to mine but don't know how.
I was wondering where that music went. I played it when I had bunco night here! I love, love, love it...I just thought you were working on it or something. Sheesh...is it gone forever? I'm also sad that your little dancing people are gone. I tried to describe them to someone but it just wasn't the same. *sigh*
As for the team name...I was trying to draw up a logo and everything to go with the name but I guess I could just send the name...won't have the same effect though. Really. :0)
HILARIOUS!! You are brilliant AND quick.
I miss your music!
I was at that Target yesterday! If I had seen (and heard) this exchange, I'm sure I would have said, "Here's a diaper, 'cause your mouth's not toilet trained."
I'm glad you didn't get shot, though. Fear often prevents me from saying what I want.
Did you buy any St Patty's Day hats in the $1 bins?
Ooooh that is one good comment, can I write it down so I can use it if I ever find the right opportunity?
PS: I usually keep my volume off, I have a very auditory influenced mind and I can't concentrate on what I'm reading. So it's either listen to you or Ethyl (see I've listened often enough to know that much).
I have no fear of you, why? Because you're a grinnin fool that just won a dress on my website! Way to go Carrot Jello, Mikarose will contact you with the gift certificate information, but can you send me your e-mail address first? kilpack@gmail.com
Hey, I didn't forget your music! My little one is sleeping and as soon as I clicked your page, I had to make sure to turn my speakers down. . .
I'm sure Prince's "kiss" would be a great song for this one!!
You are a riot! Bad to the bone is right!
Hey, great blog, and congratulations on winning that dress!
Anyone else notice a whole post and the comments missing? Or did my crack smoking catch up with me and I'm delusional again?
Look at you and your baaaaad self!
The guilt trip thing is working, because I'm feeling really guilty.
I didn't even know there was a contest.
I want to enter.
Loved your Wal Mart comment.
If you knew I was coming would you bake a cake? Bake a cake? Bake a cake?
I was once in the middle of a very heated argument in a parking lot between my deranged stepdad and an equally deranged woman. She told us to go back to Indiana where we came from. Ummm, my stepdad told her to go back to Africa where she came from. You handled it much better, Carrot. Proud of you!
I think it would have been funny if you had chased her around the parking lot.
..but maybe that's just me.
You stopped your music? Then are you telling me "put a tic tac in your mouth and get a bang out of life" is just playing on a repeat in my brain- all by itself???..how depressing.
You won the dress! You won the dress!
Luckyyyyyyyy.
G'day from Oz,
Came here from B's blog.
So, she was trying to cuss you out using, er, ``reverse'' psychology?
You are bad! I'm afraid of you now.
Wow. How did you get your comment box to say all of that??
You did well! :-)
Moments like this usually leave me flabbergusted at best, and scared if the person looks like she's going to come after me.
I came over from David.
If I had know it was a guilt trip, I'd have buckled by seat belt.
Great post .. I am sure I will be back later when a more clever comment comes to mind..
David sent me!
Hi. I came over from David's. When I saw those cute little homemakers in heels, I knew I was in Bad to the Bone Country.
Why is it our really caustic comebacks have a way of being so tardy. I relate, babe. I relate.
geez, you are bad ashed. /all I can think to yell in a wreck is dummy!
you run over your grandma in that car, dummy! would have been way better
Oh my gosh Carrot, you crack me up!!! And if you said that to me, I would run away crying!! LOL Just kidding!! Seriously you need to have a real column you write for, your so freakin Halirious!!!
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