"Follow me on Twitter!"
Why?
Because I don't have a life,
so I have to constantly check and see what you are doing?
Well, alrighty!
Breaking news on CNN.
Ashton Kutcher beats them to 1 million followers.
That's breaking news?
Breaking news should be a bombing or something.
Not that Ashton Kutcher now has 1 million stalkers.
Why are we doing this?
Pretty soon we'll be talking out loud by ourselves saying,
"I'm unloading the dishwasher!"
"I just put a dish in the cup cupboard!"
"I'm closing the dishwasher now!"
Just because it will be the thing to do.
We'll be outside and say,
"I'm crossing the street!"
Or
"I'm getting the mail out of the box!"
and our neighbors will yell back,
"I'm trying to scratch my back!"
or
"I just stole your mail!"
Seriously, are we that hard up for attention?
Are we trying to get our very own stalker?
I don't understand.
Maybe I'm just jealous.
People couldn't care less about my status update on Facebook,
do I really think they'll follow me on Twitter?
I think not.
Wait, would you?
Just kidding.
I'd be so boring.
"Here comes another weird blog idea!"
"Get ready for it!"
"I'm sitting down at the computer!"
"A.D.D. kicked in, now doing yard work."
When people put status updates on Facebook, sometimes I think,
Yeah, right.
"Joe Brown is doing housework"
Um, no you're not, you're on Facebook, liar.
"Sally Johnson is getting a lot accomplished today!"
Yeah, you've now got 78 friends,
instead of the 60 you started out with this morning.
When I put that I was climbing the Matterhorn on Facebook, nobody reacted.
That is how boring I am.
Or maybe I'm just too exciting, and you're just jealous.
Yeah.
That's what I'm going to tell myself.
Outloud.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing.
24 comments:
I'm laying on the couch listening to Diego while reading blogs, but I wish I were still asleep.
I'm going to pour two bowls of Tap n Punch.
Really, I'm going now.
I don't know what Twitter is, but I don't want to know.
Also, I'm thinking about stopping facebook. Like the blog world, I spend too much time on it. But the connection to old friends is a little hard for me to give up.
I'm listening to Don Henley, and typing a comment for your blog.
I went to Twitter last night to gripe about Survivor, and it was fulfilling because there were a few other people also griping about it there... it was nice. A giant waste of time and totally pointless, but nice.
I think people want to be known. They're all, "Hey! I'm doing this! Someone pay attention to it!" Essentially we're all lonely little critters.
I'm listening to my daughter play webkins as I type. I have no intentions of doing anything remotely impressive today either.
I totally missed you climbing the Matterhorn on Facebook...I must have really been doing housework or stuffing my face or watching something on the food network. I bet it was impressive though.
I'm posting on Carrot's blog. TWEET!
I don't understand twitter. But hey - if someone loves it - fine by me. What I REALLY don't understand is Facebook - and by the stats of it, I'm clearly in the minority. But listen up - if I haven't talked to you in 20 years....there's probably a reason why. I'm just saying.... (below are my ramblings about it. You're anti-twitter - I'm anti-facebook - we should start a club...)
http://hillishilarity.wordpress.com/2009/03/17/facebook/
I'm laughing as I read Carrot's witty wisdom!
I totally missed your Matterhorn update, too. I actually spend more time on facebook taking quizzes or playing Bejeweled than anything else - I can nurse the baby with my feet-up on the desk and entertain myself that way. Last night my 2 yo fell asleep on my lap to the sounds of the chimes on Chain Rxn. Facebook = Mommy's helper.
I love to follow people on Twitter, like Jim Gaffigin and Joel McHale, and my favorite photographer, Trey Ratcliff. I never update my status there.
I'm a twitter holdout.
I am leaving to get my nails done just as soon as I leave this comment that means absolutely nothing on your blog.
Cause I love ya Carrot. I gotta leave something.
Won't twitter, barely facebook, and blog twice a year.
I'm a tehcno/social drop-out!
You nailed it on the head with Twitter. I just can't see the point. Maybe I'll have to eat my words later, but right now it just seems pointless.
I'm at work, blrowsing blogs while handing out paychecks.
Twitter, yeah I'm on there. Only because a friend made me.
I forget about it all the time.
Facebook, everyday.
Hello.
My name is Lisa.
I'm a FB addict.
Twitter is a mini blog. My husband does it because he
1. doesn't have time to sit and write fascinating things
2. doesn't have fascinating things to write about
3. never learned to write
that last part isn't true, but I'm kind of mad at him right now.
Twitter...not gonna go there. Ever.
Facebook...never been there. Yet.
Have a hard enough time coming up with clever stuff to put on my blog and they want me to write clever things ALL day? Everyday?
I don't Twitter or Tweet or what the heck it is called.
I only have time usually at the beginning of the day and the end of the day to USE the computer---so I don't get this whole "What you are doing now"
I guess I am really a social.....um.....misfit.
Want to be one with me?
Nope. Still don't get Ashton Kutcher.
Waaaaaaaaaait.
Ashton's hot, why did he have to be brought in to this?
Just kidding.
As if you could out-tweet him.
The only kind of twitter I do is of the pating variety.
(p.s. poop jokes are only funny if you are 5. And don't make typos)
Your clever satire is always so dead-on and fun to read. Carrot, keep writing and poking holes in the silly things we do! Our upside-down culture needs your voice! xoxo
I don't waste my time on twitter.
I waste my time on blogger.
If Twitter has anything to do with you riding a goat and possibly getting pictures of said activity. Count me in ;)
I totally missed the Matterhorn hike! Sadly I don't get as much time for the FB as I once did. Another annoyance with the FB would be the speed with which status updates fly through, so sadly I might not have even seen it when I did look.
Maybe I'll just make the extra effort to upgrade my status from "follower" to "light stalking" ;)
speaking of which...wv: troma
Hey, your mom was in my ward today. Guess who she sat next to THE WHOLE TIME (hint: not me).
Bunny just told me that I make him "Twitter-pated," which he says is much better than "consti-pated." Isn't he sweeeeet?
wv = oystful - full of oystery goodness
Oh, carrot, you so make me laugh and since I'm up at 3:00 a.m. because I'm old and have insomnia I need a good laugh ; ) (Have to go put that on FB and then twitter.
I tweet not, but I will txt you! I am wondering if I shoot spongebob square pants on my tv if it would elimated him from this world totally.
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