Why I'm pretty happy with my circle of friends and relatives.

The following conversations took place around the same time.

First facebook conversation:

Former neighbor: On this Columbus day, let us remember the Native Americans who were butchered and enslaved by Mr. Columbus and his European compatriots.

His friend: Yes, yes, yes, kill whitey.

Former neighbor: Columbus didn't discover America and he didn't bring anything good to the native peoples. So why honor him? He brought slavery, disease, and death.

Another friend of his: Columbus is the reason you're over here to complain about him. Whether you like it or not, he was the first person to get a whole country behind colonizing the new world.

Same guy: To successfully colonize, that should have read.

Same guy: Please cite a source that Columbus personally murdered and enslaved people.

Same guy: Preferably from his log or from memoirs that his crew left.

Another friend chimes in: Peoples History of the United States by Howard Zinn, a PHD in History. His policies and lack dicipline of soldiers led to the slaughter of millions as they enslaved the Natives in Search of gold and such to send back to pay for their trips.

Former neighbor: I see colonization as a bad thing; especially if it involves stealing other people's land.
That I am here is an accident of history (really, that I am anywhere is an accident of history).


BLAH BLAH BLAH...goes on for hours...



Meanwhile, my sister starts this facebook conversation;


Calamity: Got in the shower this morning and discovered surfer Ken and ballerina Barbie. This will come as heavy news to Snow White Barbie. Will break news gently over breakfast and fab new makeover.

Me: Ballerina Barbie is a skank.


Cousin: I just can't believe they would be in the shower together --- where's the morality, I ask you???? What has this world come to???

Other cousin: oooooh, i'm tellin'! poor snow white. her heart must be broken. that two-timin' ken. and that hussy barbie! the nerve!


Me: I'm going to come over and smash Barbies dream house. I'll show her a homewrecker.


Calamity: You like your purse hung up (facebook joke). And you seem to like your little AP Sunday School Barbie collection trash talking and calling Ballerina Barbie a Skank. We have semi- real life drama happening over at the Barbie Dream-house I've got going on ...over here. I will have to ask you to get your tattooed Bitter Barbies under control or your big sister will have to give their hair a little "trim" :D (She cut my Barbies hair, and threw it into the fire when we were younger.)

Calamity: What are you coming over in your Barbie Corvette? Cause last time I was there it was up on blocks...and the engine was on the seat...

Me: D'oh! them are fightin' words sister.

Calamity: BRING. IT. ON. I think I have Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots, or Stretch Armstrong... you name the place and time - No School tomorrow. Loser cleans other's house... FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT... I guess you have already seen my tough black eye....Need a ride???

Calamity's friend: The Barbies have nothing to worry about, according to Toy Story 3, Ken is gay and sees women only as ways of incresing his clothing and aceessories. Ken is a girls toy!

Calamity: Can we get a therapist here?!?!
Perhaps I should tell you where I found GI joe and his whole platoon along with a tonka truck and several of the Star Wars Crowd???

Calamity's friend: War games?
Or they could be practicing to play for byu. Bronco needs players.

Calamity: Hate to disappoint - group therapy - inner child work. Luke never knew his father, Joe, not sure how to get in touch with feminine side. Tonka has an OCD thing and his tires are over washed because of his fear of dirt. Toys these days are forced to sit with daytime tv on and it is not all fun and games anymore mister. I am thinking of starting a foundation, but as I write this I see it looks as if perhaps I should start on medication...

See? Which conversation would you rather have?
I rest my case.
As if I needed one.