I regularly commune with ants.
I've even made up songs about them.
They really are sweet, you know.
They're the only ones thoughtful enough to visit everyday.
Except I don't really like visitors everyday.
Do ants have eyes?
Maybe I could post little signs with visiting hours.
I bet they'd respect that.
I could use a toothpick, and tape a piece of paper to it.
Of course a toothpick, to sugar ants, would probably be more pole sized.
They'd probably start pole dancing on it.
Stupid, pole dancing ants.
You know what I think is really cute?
No, not stripper ants.
The little sleeping bag samples at Target.
You know, the Barbie sized ones on display?
I just want to buy one.
We don't even have Barbies at our house anymore.
I'd just like one.
Just in case...well, you know.
In case there's like a mini sleeping bag emergency.
Because that totally could happen.
I could host a million ant campout, and they could all fit into one bag.
Light a match, and that could be the bonfire.
(You thought I was going to say "set them on fire", didn't you? Shame!)
We could roast ant poison over the fire, and then they'd all eat it and go to sleep...
...and never wake up.
Sound harsh?
Hmmm...well maybe grape kool-aid before bed instead?
Of course, then I'd have to fashion a billion mini cups for it.
Unless they sell those at Target too.
If they don't, they should.
Heyyy...maybe I could come out with my own ant patio/picnic line.
Of course, nothing would sell because ants don't buy things.
They steal them.
I wonder how they live with themselves.
Stupid, stealing, pole dancing ants.
Ants are morally corrupt.
Let's kill them all!
We'll start at my house!
10 comments:
Shoot the antennae! Shoot the antennae!
Not to be confused with stupid, stealing, pole dancing aunts. For that, we could start at MY house.
Not only are those mini sleeping bags cute, but I'd really like to get one of those miniature tents that show what the real tent look like, only the mini ones are cute and make me want to play with action figures.
Down with Ants!
Instant classic. One of my favorites.
And oh yeah, death to ants!
You've heard there's a push to make pole dancing an Olympic sport, haven't you? I find it disturbing. I wonder if it will be women only, or if there will be a mens team as well.
These are the thoughts that keep me up at night...
J do not like ants AT ALL. I do have to admit, pole dancing ants would be something to see ; )
I must be missing out--I've never seen those little miniature sleeping bags. I'll have to look when I go to Target while I'm in the States in a couple of weeks.
There are many days when I find myself hating all types of nature.
At least the creepy crawly parts.
I so want one if those sleeping bags and tents. Why doesn't someone sell those? They could make a fortune!
And then continue on at my house!
I'm bringing the mini sample tents and the mini marshmallows and the mini skirts!
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