No, not those
No, not those either.
You know the ones I'm talking about.
Yes, you do.
Yes.
Yes.
The one's in your closet.
I'm holding an intervention.
Sit down while I read you the letter I wrote.
(I know how these work. I watch A&E)
__________(Insert your name here. There's more than one of you.)
I love and care about you very much. We've been friends for years, but I cannot continue our friendship if you continue to chose
these...
over normal shoes.
I realize you think you cannot live your life without these, but you can.
These don't protect you from pain.
I'm worried that if you went to Florida, and had to retrieve a golf ball from the pond, something like this might happen...
Or even worse.
I see you wear these, and it just scares me.
You're nearing middle age, and I can envision you partying in these...
and thinking it's okay.
It's not okay. It never will be.
I can't stand the fact you try to cover the fact that your feet are cold by wearing these...
There are holes in the shoes honey.
You don't help it by inserting fleece.
You just stop wearing shoes with holes.
That's like wrapping sandals in a blanket.
Remember the jelly shoes we wore back when we didn't know any better? We never went as far as lining them.
Well, maybe you did, but I stopped short of that.
You've been trying to make everyone think you're cool by doing this...
You don't have to use your lapel pin collection for that. You're already cool.
My greatest fear is that one day you'll wake up,
all alone,
wearing these...
sitting on a park bench with a polyester dress and knee highs.
One of which has fallen to your ankle.
People will just walk by and shake their heads,
and I won't be there to help you out.
You're not fooling anyone.
Please stop before it's too late.
I want to save you from this, and that's why you're here today.
I have a van waiting outside, ready to take you to the shoe store.
I hope you'll accept the ride.
41 comments:
Wow- that chick's pedicure looks fantastic for being bitten by a gator!
Do you know how quickly the woman who first marketed "Jibbitz" became a multi millionaire just for sticking left over buttons in her kids' shoes? Americans will buy all sorts of crap.
Are you saying we can't be friends?
My "real friend" detector is going off...
HAHA! I think you just got me busted for snorting at work! Fortunately for me I'm a bit more practical than that and don't own any of those shoes. HOWEVER, I will never turn down a trip to the shoe store so slide over...I'm IN!
I don't know you, I just found your blog on cjane's. I just had to tell you that I am laughing so hard I am crying. That was a funny post!
I heard once that crocs are the Mullett of shoes.
I cannot believe you used a picture of my shoes at the beginning of your post. :(
I love my crocs. Not because they're cute (they're not), not because they're light weight, but because most of the time I am too lazy to put some socks on and bend over to tie my shoes. I just slip them on when I need to run somewhere and don't have to get out of the car!
Down with Crocs and Mocs and whatever . . . I've always thought they looked pretty ridiculous . . .
So now dear Carrot that we know your dislike in shoe fashion, please do let us know what we SHOULD be shod in . . . ;)
Sorry you don't like my shoes! I have foot problems and my Crocs make it possible to walk in (somewhat) comfort. To each their own! You make me laugh.
I'm a little offended by the camel-toed flats at the beginning.
Best word ver ever: crocrue
I have a pair of Crocs, but they don't look like any of those. And they're insanely comfortable.
Go ahead and Google "mullet of shoes." My site is the first result, so it'll improve my page rank.
Yay! I don't own any...I feel special. Can I go to the store anyway?
I only wear mine for gardening. They wash easily ;)
You're good1 You had me feeling guilty for having even one pair of those and only using them for gardening!
Oh man, I totally agree with you that those are the ugliest shoes. Glad I'm not the only one!
Looking forward to seeing you man-yana. :)
oh man, how i hate that croc material is invading the shoe world. so nasty. i do own some sketchers crocs that i wear to go walking in..so comfy. so, i excuse myself.
word verification: jeolloe
so jell-o-ey
Don't have any, never will. I am so with you. What are people thinking. I do buy them for my kids as they can put them on themselves and if they lose one I can buy a new pair at target for like 3 bucks.
LOL!
I agree, those are the ugliest things ever. Those are like garden shoes you can hose down after.
Ok, "HI!"
Seriously, I think you should have your own comment section too! Yours are some of my very favorite comments and I would also enjoy re-reading all of your uber wittyness!
Hmm...I think I've just become your newest devoted follower and fan.
Could that be considered a very fine line to stalking?
I always knew you liked me... even if it is for my great shoe-fashion sense! I have never, nor will ever own a pair of Crocs and cannot see the point when one is just as well off going barefoot. They're heavy, and they are plastic. Why? Why? Why?
Don't I deserve a ride to the shoe store anyway? It's not like those with Crocs will know what to buy without you doing it for them. Me? I'll buy another pair of boots, lol!
My first time here, too. I came in the limo with Elizabeth from Cjanes. I just wanted to ask: If you do indeed get your own comment section, may I sit at your table? It really is hard to find your own comment (is that narcissitic?) when HUNDREDS of people show up! Grrrr. Love her. Love you. Your comments always crack me up. :)
Shirley
AMEN!!!! I hate, hate, hate those nasty shoes!
What ever happened to style and suffer a bit for it? Ugh! Those shoes make me barf!
So, if you see a woman running into the loo in the mall because she is barfing AGAIN, you will know that it is me----after seeing another pair of those hideous things---not because I have a bulimic problem.
oh my goodness this was a great and funny post! I love crocs - tell me you will consider letting me remain your friend?! I know they are atrocious looking but they're just so darn comfortable!!! hahahahahha - I'm seriously making my family read this post - they'll want to kiss you!
Woohoo! I don't have any shoes made of foam rubber in my closet :) I've heard they are comfy, but I'm just not sold on them... my daughter does have a pair, but, um, she's 5. It works for her :)
I have never bought a pair--I've been tempted, but then again, I try very hard to resist temptation ; )
I want to go to the shoe store with you too please. I promise I own a bunch of those plastic thingys. I swear. You don't have to check my closet. Let's go shoe shopping!
Sweet! A ticket to ride!
You found the original clown shoes! and now apparently they make orthopedic clown shoes.
You will be proud to know that I have never worn crocs or any of their knockoffs either. I aim to be croc free forever!
I have to admit that I do have a pair of those. They're quite comfortable, however, I NEVER wear them outside the house.
The first time I saw those at Wal-Mart, I thought to myself, "really? Have we sunk so low as to think people will actually buy these??" And then ... people did. I actually saw someone wearing them and LOVING them. WHAT.
Since then my heart has softened somewhat. No, I don't own a pair, and no, I don't plan on owning any. But my sister-in-law got some for my kids, and my four-year-old can put them on his own feet by his own self. And they are not neon-colored but navy blue. We are keeping them.
I have never had a pair of those things. But I'm not gonna lie...I kinda sorta thought about maybe just possibly having a pair of those things one of these days! ;)
Those things are only to be used when gardening.
Last week I saw this lady with a pair of those in the gorcery store, they were nasty, dirt and her socks look hideous.
No one should have to see that, no one Carrot :(
Hello, they really ARE gardening shoes....I am a gardener who ruined 1 pair too many addidas running shoes by stepping in mud, then hosing off said $50.00 shoes. I have been happily hosing crocs for years now. (Not to mention those expensive Berkenstock sandals I ruined on the beach that day in Mexico). Oh! If I had only had my crocs then.. And don't knock moccasins if you have never walked a mile in them.
It is fitting that you'd post your best right before your big blog anniversary. This had me in stitches.
I've been thinking about getting those fur lined ones. They would be great for when I'm taking my dog out to do her business. I won't get them I promise, thank you carrot for saving me from myself.
I have a secret to tell. I stole my mom's the other night when I snuck out to the store w/ GM and needed some shoes post haste!
There's not a pair to be found in the four walls of my house. I'm very happy about that.
LOL!! I didn't need the intervention, but thanks for your service to humanity and their feet. Re my worst fear: the knee-high stockinged, croc-wearing, polyester dressed lady on the park bench---someone get her Life Alert. Those necklaces can prevent humiliation in public spaces.
I cried reading the paragraph between the blue and the pink. My kids thought I was hurt. Like a sea animal in pain, PLUS tears.
This might be second only to the cookbook reading post, in my book of Favorite Carrot Posts.
Love your post.
Love my crocs.
Now I'm conflicted.
"/
Carrot, this week in church I sat next to a 53-year old lady wearing olive green crocs with Tinkerbell attached to the toe. Tink lit up when she sort of stomped her feet. Suddenly I realized that she and I could never truly be friends. Her choice in footwear was just so wrong on so many levels and we could never see eye to eye on most things, let alone our tastes in clothes and footwear. I'm not a snob, just a realist.
Found it! Can't wait for the morning when guests awake!! xo And please don't ever take off our archives again. Revisiting them is like re-reading a favorite novel!
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