I hate to brag. Oh, who am I kidding. I love to brag.
Since I've been blogging, I have formed a special relationship with some retailers. No, they don't give me free things...yet, but I do get advance notice of sales, and giveaways.
"Oh brother, I get sales flyers too."
No, no. I'm not talking about sales flyers, my friends. Those only notify you of sales happening for the week, or weekend.
I'm talking about far in advance.
Like 30 years in advance.
Yes, the future e-mails me about giveaways, and sales 30 years in advance.
That is how special I am my friends.
Why, just this morning, I got an offer in my e-mail to "Win $10,000.000 USD in our Poetry Contest!" Sent January 18, 2038.
Hey! I can do that. 31 years to work on a poem is enough time for me to procrastinate, and come up with a little diddy. Shoot, with 31 years it may even come out to a whole page. I could be the next...the next...um...I can think of any famous poem writers at the minute. I might just forward that offer onto someone else because I don't like poetry. Yeah, you might just want to stay on my good side.
I've been offered free coffee from next October. Of course, I don't drink coffee so I might have to pass on that. It's gotta be really fresh. Maybe it's the plant or something, and you've gotta make it into coffee. I dunno.
Apparently, there are still single people in the future. Someone sent me this,
"Find all the local singles in your area." dated January 18, 2038. Uh, is this a scavenger hunt? Are we supposed to go door to door, grab all the single people we can, and keep them at our house until January 18, 2038? Then what? A mass wedding? I hope whomever wins doesn't have to host it. That'd be expensive.
Perhaps all the local singles are so desperate they're signing up to meet people January 18, 2038. That's a bleak future. "I'm going to be single for the next 31 years. Hopefully, at our get together on January 18, 2038 I'll meet someone from around here."
I hate to break it to you, but if you're still single 31 years from now, chances are there's something wrong with you, and not the people you're dating. Sorry.
I won't go on and on about my special offers, because I would still like some friends after this.
Don't be jealous, chances are you have these same offers. You're just deleting them because they're getting sent to the wrong box. I found these in my bulk folder. I'm thinking some "higher up" at Yahoo doesn't want me to find them. Jealousy abounds. *sigh*
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to fix my computer. It's got all sorts of viruses on it.
37 comments:
Wow...its better than the psychic network...
I'm so jealous Carrot. First you get all those emails about big pen1s and now this!
The computer viruses made me chuckle. I don't open any spam at all, so I have no idea what I am missing out on. But don't forget me 31 years down the road. I want in on whatever hot give away you have going on 1/18/2038. That seems to be the special date.
Sylvia Plath the suicidal poet
ee cummings the punctuation incorrect poet with a massive fear of capital letters
Shel Silverstein the only poet who would dare rhyme polar bear with Frigidaire.
So many styles to choose from, carrot.
I'm looking into the future and I'm seeing like a gazillion comments on this brilliant post.
Yeah, maybe even a hundred gazillion! Sometimes the future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. That's why I can't tell exactly how big this post is going to get. But it is going to be BIG!
This got the Sunbum Seal Of Approval. She just cracked up laughing. Our favorite part? The Singles Scavenger Hunt.
I hope you buy a lot of single serving pizza and Kraft singles to feed them.
You are the most clever carrot I've ever known.
I wish I could make a Clever Carrot sidebar thingie for you.
I am green with envy.
I feel really sorry for all those single people. 31 years is a long time to wait for your soulmate. Is there any kind of money back guarantee if they don't meet that special someone?
Maybe this is all a sick joke and the world is going to end on January 17.
What, no more email's about pen1s?
Emails about the future? How do you rate!?!
Oh, and I just awarded you with something on my blog....
You and NCS get all the fun stuff! :D
Have fun at that party! You could buy Twinkies now too, and they'll still be "fresh."
Wow, I'm certainly missing out. I guess there's more to the question "Do you Yahoo?" than I thought.
Oh yea I know in 2038 I will still be older. Still stings....;0
Maybe I need a Yahoo! account. The only mail I get are about watches that LOOK EXACTLY like the REAL THING... meaning that they are fake watches? I would investigate more, but, I want my computer to keep functioning. Love the new look :)
I'll just be happy to bask in your glory. You're sooooo popular.
I like your new background..but what is with the upside down teeth? How are those scary? Maybe because of the cavities all the kiddies get around Halloween..oooooooooooh.
The teeth are scary because the mummy is throwing them at you. I would be afraid of a tooth that a mummy was throwing at me. Sure, I might be more afraid of the mummy, but really.
You just gotta look a little closer at the picture, stacey.
And squint. And then move your head from side to side so all the stuff on the screen dances. THEN you'll see.
Teeth ARE scary.
And I don't know if I have a favorite part of this post. The whole thing was funny.
Can you teach me to do that?
You get the best junk mail
sigh
yeppers,
big giant 'reject' imprinted on my forehead.
single for 16 years and destined to be single for at least 31 more.
what? no music?
Maybe they're telling you in advance so you can think of your posterity.
You know sign up your kids, like old school matchmaking or your kid's kids, planning is everything!
Your new background is trippy. Excuse me while I go have a siezure.
How nice for you to have that back up - you know, if anything happens in the next 30 years you'll know where to go for a little easy cash and lovin'! That doesn't sound good...
Easy cash and lovin'? Isn't that illegal in most states?
Carrot, I went to a farmer's market and thought of you today. They had the cutest aprons, in a print that would do the Carrot Jello lady proud. I'll email you their website in case you want to get yourself one. They are darling!
Love your new look. You know how to keep things fresh.
When did you move to Bosnia and Herzegovina?
Awesome creepy background...
1..2..3 vampires..muuwahahahahaha!
Wow, you really do have the right to brag.
I love those vampires!
I'm completely bats over your vampires dontha know?
Hmmm... I thought I told you that a long time ago, no?
Hey, cute blog decorating! I also love your avatar. So festive.
Cool new background! Love the animation.
I love your cool vampire background! Does this mean your an Edward convert or just a halloween enthusiast?
so how's that virus cleaning going? you get the best spam mail EVER. i wonder what we'll all be doing 31 years from now...still blogging it up? who knows. but i loved this post.
I can't post what I wanted to say about singlehood and 31 years. Nope.
Anyway.....I don't get that kind of junkmail. Maybe I should pay closer attention, though. I could have had a bigger pen1s if I had.
Post a Comment