Oinkle Doinkle

My mom says when she reads my blog she can tell I'm tired.
Oy. Sorry about that.
I am tired.
Tired of having these blog ideas and completely ignoring them.
Pushing them to the back of my brain.
One day I'm gonna fall over backwards because I'll have so many ideas back there.
Wish I could be like Elastic and shoot them out, but I can't.
Well, I can, but for some reason I won't.
So, in front of me, I have a cookbook from my Mother in-laws ward.
I thought I'd open a page and tell you what's on it.
I mean, if you have nothing better to do.
Which, of course, you do.
I don't.
So, the first recipe I came across is "Ramen Salad".

Alrighty.
Looks like you mix the spice packets - two of them - with some oil, vinegar, and sugar.
Just before you serve this
throw it outcombine a pkg of cole slaw, ramen noodles, sunflower seeds, slivered almonds and chopped green onions.
I don't know about you, but we've had so much cup of soup and ramen that I wouldn't care if I never ate it again. I do have a container of ramen that says, "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, OPEN PLASTIC" in my mudroom for emergencies.
Maybe you like ramen, but it makes me vomit in my mouth and swallow it back down.

Now here's a recipe for "Beefhives".
Yes. I said "Beefhives".
Now if that doesn't make you sick, I don't know what will.
You want to know how to make them, don't you?
Oh, alright.
So you get some bread and soak it in some milk. Mix it well and stir in sour cream. Season it and add ground beef, celery LEAVES, parsley and onion and mix well.
Using a measuring cup, "dip up the meat meat mixture" - whatever that means - and place 6 lumps on a broiler tray. Leave space so the "beefs" can fly out!
Get it?
Beefhives?
Beefs?
You know it's funny.
Anyhoo, here's where it gets tricky:
Divide cream cheese into 6 equal parts.
Then you take an apricot half and push it into the center of your beefhives, pit side up.
Got that?
Beefhive
Inside you have...
Apricot half
Cream cheese chunk, and then...
the second half of the apricot.
So you've got a cream cheese filled apricot inside your lump of beef.
WAIT!
We're not done.
Don't be putting your apron away yet.
Seal the apricot with some more beef, and shape it into a dome.
"Stud the beefhives"
Er...okay...with what?
"Stud the beefhives with slivered almonds in a spiral pattern" and bake.
You thought they were going to say something else, didn't you?
Shame!
Who thinks these things up?
I'll tell you who, a lady named "Thesis".
I kid you not! She came up with that ramen salad recipe too.
She has a lot of time on her hands.
Unless she got it from a cookbook.

"Betty Lou" submitted a recipe for "Beef Bologna", but I'll spare you.
If you're really hungry for bologna, just go buy some.
It's always on sale.
Ick.


Hey, here's a recipe for "Comeback Cake"
"Combine broken chocolate cake or angel food cake or both"
and add "whipped cream, chopped nuts, mini marshmallows, and
chopped candied fruit"
I was with you until you said "chopped candied fruit".
WHY people? WHY?
Leave that for fruit cake.
I might use this recipe though, next time I have a broken cake.
If I knew you were comin' I'd have braked a cake!
Har har!
This is getting too long, but you know what?
I don't care.
Stop reading, but I'm gonna go on.

Oh that "Thesis"!
She doesn't stop either, does she?
Here she is with another recipe.
It's basically deep fried fruit cocktail.
She keeps them guessing at her house.

Now here's a recipe submitted by "Wamoth".
It's called "Earthquake Cake"
Apparently, she's never been in an earthquake there in Kansas.
You're supposed to go get in a doorway, but I guess she thinks it's an occasion to eat and serve cake.
Well, she can serve it to me in the doorway because that's where I'll be.
That, or under the table, where I could eat cake too.
Doesn't matter.
I'll pretty much eat cake anywhere.

Well, I think I'm tired of hearing myself type.
I'm going to dream about beefihives floating in ramen salad.

And dream about looking like that when I sleep.
I'm going...I'm going.