My rudeness astounds me sometimes.
As it does others.
I poured someone's vodka down the drain tonight.
I was sitting trying to convince her that having an affair with a married man, and trying to save him, was wrong.
No, it's not a client.
You see, I am a magnet for needy people.
I looked on her nighstand and said,
"You need to stop drinking, it's not helping you...."
I grabbed her glass and poured it down her sink.
Then I spied her vodka bottle.
As I was pouring it down the drain, she said,
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THAT'S ORGANIC VODKA!"
I said,
"I don't care if it's vodka made of the finest grass! You're not drinking anymore tonight!"
and she laughed.
and I thought,
that was rude of me.
NOTE to all men:
Why waste time on an affair? If your wife is so horrible, and fat, then why not end it? Don't be a hero. Don't be a martyr. Don't go and find someone on the internet and have an affair with them.
You've got choices.
You can go to counseling.
Why is your wife fat?
Maybe she is miserable living with you.
NOTE to all mistresses:
Just because he tells you she's awful, and fat, doesn't mean she really is.
Have you seen her?
What's that?
No?
You're believing every word of crap coming out of his mouth?
Then you are stupid.
And I will tell you that.
Yes, I did tell her that.
and she laughed.
She said,
Where did you come from?
I said, do you believe in God?
and she said,
Don't give me that God ____!
and I said,
"Okay, the grass sent me."
and she laughed.
things are funnier when you're drunk I guess.
"Wayne Dyer is my God!" she proclaimed
Okay, so you do believe in God!
another laugh.
Stick with me. The laughs never stop.
"I have 12 video tapes that will show you there is no God!"
I said,
"I don't care. Just because you tell me there is no God does not mean there is no God."
I've watched 52 pizza commercials telling me pizza is good for me. Should I believe it because they've told me 52 times?
How on earth do you convince and immoral person that morals are good?
How do you convince a Godless miserable person who thinks she's happy and in love, that there is a God and you can be happy without destroying someones family?
"How about ____?" I ask
"He stinks!" she says as she waves her hand under her armpit.
"So?" I say.
"You smoke cigarettes. You stink too! You can stink together! He's single and in love with you!"
I am rude.
Needy people, you do not need me.
I CANNOT SAVE EVERYONE!I CANNOT.
(Sorry, just trying to convince myself)
I really, really want to, and obsess over it.
You know how many old people are being treated like crap and paying MONEY for it??
ALOTOFFREAKINGPEPOPLE!
If you have nothing better to do than eat chocolate, go shopping, and wonder if you're wearing enough makeup, or maybe you've got too much on, then you need something better to do.
Why not help an old person or a handicapped person?
WHY NOT?
Why don't more people care?
A couple of you, who have known me for a couple of years might already know I like to stand on my soapbox occasionally and show people my bleeding heart.
I cannot stop it from bleeding.
I recently read someones blog wherein she admitted she has no problem dropping people from her life.
How do you do that?
Is there some medicine I can take to make me stop wondering about how someone I met on a messageboard 4 years ago, and haven't talked to in a couple of years, is doing?
Hand it over.
When someone calls me and leaves a message and you know she needs yardwork done, how do I say, "I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night, and I only have Sunday off this week..." out loud?
How do I not be concerned about her yard for weeks, thinking no one else will offer to help her, so I have to make time for her!?
No one weedsmy yard.
Who takes care of me?
Why don't I take care of me and not care about anyone else but my family?
Why am I dropping off MY daughters at someones house tommorow so they can help HER with her garage sale, when I need them at home so I can sleep?
How does my work send me on a new assignment, and forget to cover my other client?
Then they call me and leave me messages asking me where I
am!
I AM AT WORK!
ON 1ST AVENUE IN FREAKING BELLTOWN-until 1 A.M.- WHERE EVERYONE GOT KILLED LAST YEAR!
WHERE YOU SENT ME!
So my original client, who you said was covered, is sitting in bed, unable to get out herself, and worried that I'm in a car accident because I always come a 1/2 hour early!
Don't leave me messages asking me where I am, so when I get home at 1:30 a.m. and check the messages I am crying because you left my client alone you boneheads!
Then don't call me at 8:00 a.m. and say, "So, what happened last night?"
I realize you are not my supervisor, but you could have just talked to her and ask her where I was.
AT FREAKING WORK IS WHERE i WAS!
Blogger friends, did I not ask you nicely to send me a love gift a while back?
Had you all done as I asked, I would not have had to get a job and feel the weight of the world on my shoulders (provided you made monthly payments to me).
I choose to blame you.
Feel the guilt.
Soak it in.
Own it.
I have my own life.
It's not so good right now.
You know how many times I've told myself outloud, "STOP WORRYING ABOUT EVERYONE!" TODAY?
A LOT.
It hasn't worked.
So now I am pouring it on you.
Worry about it tonight so I don't have to wake up every 2 hours and think to myself, "Hmmm, I know I just met her last night, but I have to clean out her cupboards, fix her shelves and buy her all the things on that list I made while I was taking care of her last night, or no one else will! Oh wait, I've got to pay my house payment. But I could use the quarters I've been saving..."
Because, dear bloggers, if I don't save all the old and handicapped people, will you?
I don't want to care anymore.
I want to close my door and be with my family and save us.
We need to be saved right now.
Someone else has got to save you.
If I don't leave you a comment, it is my way of staying detached.
If I become attached, then I will have to help you in whatever way I can.
GAH!
Turn it off!
27 comments:
Okay, WAKE up because it's 12:32 a.m. and I'm still awake thinking.
Hi Carrot. Its daylight by me, so I thought I would comment...
We all feel like that at some point. But, we cannot help eveyone. Someone posted this story on my blog comment after I posted a blog similar to yours. Im sure she wont mind me using it again here:
You see, starfish get washed up on the beach when the tide comes in, and when it goes back out, some are left there. There was a man walking along the beach, throwing starfish back into the water. And another man came up and said, "you know, you can't possibly throw all the starfish back into the ocean. There are too many. This throwing them back in doesn't really matter. And the first man said, as he threw a starfish, "It matters to that one." No, he couldn't throw all of them back in, but he did do what he could to help as many as possible. And his help did matter to those that he helped.
I hope that this in some small way helps you feel better..
I was going through this lady's cupboards once, and I found a starfish. We made eye contact for a moment, a sweet, tender moment that I will never forget.
You know what starfish want? I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to be left in the cupboard. He was hiding. From someone or some...thing.
I think starfish just want to be understood. They look at us with those big, tawny eyes for a REASON.
Later that night, I dropped a 50 lb. leather ottoman on my mother's foot. Mystified, I stumbled outside and vomited on the iron rail leading to her door.
It felt good to slide my hand on the vomit-drenched rail. It was there a full minute, sliding my hand around, before I could muster the courage to go inside again.
I guarantee you will not forget this story. Please forward it to 10 friends so that they, too, may understand that LIFE IS SOMETIMES NOT AS STRAIGHTFORWARD AS IT SEEMS.
What the crap?
Carrot, it sounds like you are one of the most kind, compassionate people that I have ever "met." Just be sure to take care of yourself so that there is some Carrot left at the end of the day.
Carrot,
I am sorry that things are so hard right now. I don't have any advice, or strange "hand in vomit" stories to share. I have a hug, and a prayer.
I read this last night and didn't feel first comment worthy. Or comment worthy at all(That happens often for me)
I felt really bad for you, Carrot. Your family has to become your first priority. Has to. You have fabulous kids-I know because I have read about them. You can't save everyone. Look what it is doing to you. There has to be a limit, but no one can tell you what that limit is. Think of saving everyone as your Vodka. Pour some down the drain!
Praying for you to find a balance. And to have peace at home with your family.
My heart hurts for you Carrot, and I don't like it when my heart hurts. So close the door and be with your family for awhile, they are the most important people in your life. God will find someone to take care of those you cannot.
Carrot, I love you
Carrot, I dooooooo
My little Bloglines
Has sent me to youuuuuuu
When I am near you
I love to hear you
Singing a show tune
With Elastic too.
Carrot, I love you, I love you...
I do.
I'd tell you to be more selfish but it would go in one sweet caring wonderful ear, and go right out the other. :)
Or I guess in this case, in one sweet wonderful caring EYE and right out the other.
Did you really dump her vodka down the drain? Next time call me. I wanna dump vodka down the drain with you.
This was really long, but it was fascinating all the same. She will thank you someday for pouring out her booze.
When we are teenagers we are told to pick good friends, only hang out with good kids. Then we become adults and suddenly we are supposed to befriend every miscreant that walks God's green earth. What changed?!
VODKA DOWN THE DRAIN!
VODKA DOWN THE DRAIN!
WE WILL GO REJOICING, VODKA DOWN THE DRAIN!!!!!!
There should be more hymns like that. Think of the smiling ward members, singing away about flushing someone's weed down the toilet or backing over drug dealers with their cars... castrating men who have affairs...
I see a new hymn movement on the horizon.
"Whose vodka would Jesus dump down the drain?"
*dodging lightning*
oh wow! the world is not cooperating with you this week is it?!?
(((((((carrot))))))
I'm sure that you pouring that organic crap down the drain did help her. I hope that she sees the light because being the mistress is stupid. You get nothing out of it but shame. Sure, you may feel giddy feelings because it's trouble and trouble can be attractive, but it's not love.
As for your work... you should scold them for sending you one place and not leaving care for your regular! Wow! And they really called you about it? Did they not write this down? They so need a better dispatcher/secretary/whatever.
My dear Carrot:
Don't feel bad about saving your family first, they are your main priority and responsibility.
Helping people is all well and good, and you are a wonderful person for doing so much.
Sometimes the best thing for a needy person is to learn to stand on their own. I went through a needy time back in high school, and the best thing that happened to me was that all my friends took a step back and left me on my own. I learned to stop being such a whiner and deal with things better.
Hang in there...things will get better.
I am glad you were brave enough to re-post. You are right...you cannot save the world, and the world needs more people like you. The thing is Carrot...who you are, is what you do....you are choosing to be kind and loving and generous. Nobody is making you. It is who you are....and that is why you do it. That is why the needy people find you. It does not go unnoticed....that is what you have to remember......though I am sure if feels like it does, nearly every flipping time.....know that it doesn't. Also, remember.....often, you are doing these things for yourself, in addition to the ones you are helping. It is part of who you are, and why you are adored.
This was just as good the second time around.
This is going to hurt my eBay auction.
I think you should retitle this post, "Revenge of the Nards."
I hear you on closing the door and saving your family. That's the place I'm in right now. "Don't bug me - I'm hanging with my homies."
Because, you know, I talk like that all the time.
Your heart is connected to your feet and hands. It isn't a problem, usually it is a wonderful blessing for others. Your love language is acts of service. But just like playing a one stringed instrument, it can get tiresome. Constantly serving others can beat you down. Sometimes, you have to regroup and reprioritize, a good old fashioned crisis helps get you there pretty fast.
"I care and love you" can be said other ways; words of praise, physical touch, gifts, quality time, or praying for them. A prayer in your heart can help guide you to the best solution before you jump in with your hands and feet.
I think you'll be as surprised as I was when I learned the lesson to keep my mouth closed and silently pray to understand what will be the best for that person. Quite often the solution offered isn't what I thought it should be.
While many times it is imparitive to help others, sometimes only the Savior can save a person and it is best to step out of the way and let Him do what He does best.
That said, Kudos to you for being frank and honest with Ms adulterous. Truth is a marvelous quality. Kudos for your love and care. You're right. More people need to do more good in the world. Kudos for your great heart and hard working hands. I'm certain you are an answer to prayers.
Ahhh - Carrot - you are the RS Pres. to the masses, eh? Like me, you sound caught in the thick of thin things!
I can relate to the feeling of being awake all night worrying about those you serve and love. I have come to a few realizations that may or may not help you...if they are patronizing - I apologize. My Bishop can be patronizing of my concerns and it hurts and I wouldn't want to hurt you.
1. People who can cut folks from their life easily are creepy. They end up being lonely and hard and unliked. Don't let that be some badge of honor you aspire to. We were meant to live in families and with others on an earth so we could grow and stretch - not hide out in bunkers and be anti-social. It's no healthy. Punct. Being a hermit is not the answer. We covenanted to do more. That said....
2. Use the Savior as your guide for service. The Savior did for others what they could not do for themselves. What they COULD NOT do. If someone can run their own garage sale, they should. Quit answering the phone. Ditch the answering machine. No - really! DITCH the answering machine. Make it impossible for folks to contact you and watch - their worlds will keep revolving.
3. NO is a complete sentence. I don't see you suddenly whipping that word out regularly , but trying it out once a month or so might be a great start and help you feel more in control of your own life.
4. What isn't of eternal significance doesn't really need your time. Your family needs your time - and they need your best hours...not the ones left over after you've taken care of moochers.
Those you have covenanted to serve need your time.
Others don't - and believe it or not, folks will get their stuff taken care of. I used to not believe that, but really, they will. Usually, you are just one of many "helpers" in someone's arsenal.
5. You are great! Some weeks are harder than others, but you will find a way to handle them with dignity and humor. When life and its troubles are overwhelming - reevaluate the Atonement. Because in the end - most of the stuff we caught up in is superfluous.
About the vodka-- you go girl!!
About the friend-- Sometimes no matter what there is nothing you can do. These people's brains are broken.
As for you-I know what you mean, and hang in there.
Everyone around you is so fortunate to have you in their life. You are an amazing person! Please be sure to fill your cup DAILY or you can't help fill others. (especially family)
I understand the pain of caring about others so much. I would love to save the world and yet I spend too many hours NOT sleeping and trying to do just that. Just keep smiling and remember you are not in this alone & God knows your trials & your heart:)
You are made of 100% organic awesomeness, Carrot.....and don't you EVER forget it!
Good people think of others...and they care...and they worry. YOU are a good person, Carrot. Charity begins at home and sometimes we have to focus there until everything is copacetic and as it should be before moving on to save the world. And just know that as exhausted as you are someone is watching and they get it and they understand compassion just by watching you and one day they will take your example and go forth into the world to do great things and save the people you couldn't......yes, I'm referring to your own children and the beautiful and empathetic role modeling you're showing them.
I'm bringing my Guilt Remover machine when I come up there. You'll like it. It plays Artie Shaw while it sucks away every last shred of and trace of overwhelmingly guilty feelings.
Okay, I lied. It doesn't really play Artie Shaw. It plays that ditty from Barbara Streisand and The Bee Gees.
"And we got nothing to feel guilty for....our love, is one in a million. Near or far, we are, and we'll never let it enddddd"
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