Seriously,

Have a cookie.


















If you've waited this long, and left a comment, you deserve one
Or twelve.
The rest of you?
Meh.
Here's the thing.
I had a great time in Texas.
A great time.
Elastic is a fabulous host, a great mom, a terrific friend, etc.
But I'm not feeling this blog thing.
Maybe it the story format.
I always had trouble with that in school.
My teacher would say, "It was great, until the end. It was like you gave up and just wrote something to end it fast."
Long stories are bad for people with a.d.d.
One to two week long stories?
Well, they're just disastrous.
I avoid my blog at all costs lately.
I think, "Oh yeah, I have to think of some more story to write."
And then I go clean out the fridge, or contact paper a drawer.
Pretty sure I'll never write a book.
Wait, would you buy one if I did?
Just kidding.
I'd have to hire a ghost writer.
Just to finish it.
Because I never would.
See?
I have no problem chatting, but I am avoiding the rest of the story.
I can't even say, "and now you know the rest of the story" because you don't.
How about some facts?
You know why the state of Texas is so big?
To make room for all the buffets!
Seriously.
I've never seen so many buffets.
I went to my first one with Elastic and her mom.
Who is just as interesting as her daughter.
Does that woman have some stories.
Hello?
The food?
There was meat.
Expensive, and I can't remember what it's called, because I'm not a meat aficionado, but it was good.
This was no ordinary buffet.
It was silver platters with lids served by a cute Croatian boy in a white shirt and tie.
Pants too, of course.
In a word, or two, fancy schmancy buffet.
I went to a Chinese buffet.
Did you know there was such a thing?
Me either!
Coconut shrimp, broccoli beef, Mongolian beef, hamburgers, fermented fruit salad...
Amazing.
Except for that last item.
couldn't tell if that was on purpose or not.
Here the thing China,
Your desserts are never very tasty, no matter what state they're in.
Yeah, sorry.
You tried.
We tried Golden Corral.
I was good,
I thought to myself, "Just because there are 25 desserts, doesn't mean I have to eat 25 desserts."
That attitude almost got me in trouble with Elastics mom at the first place.
She said she wasn't sure if she'd invite me back to a buffet if I only tried one dessert.
*sigh*
I'll do better next time.
Speaking of Elastics mom, she gave us tickets to see, "Happy Days" the musical.
How fun was that?
During the first part, I kept looking for empty seats.
I'm weird like that.
Always looking to upgrade myself during musicals.
I found some in the front of the first balcony, but when we got there, Elastic spotted empty box seats!
Hello fun and luxury!
Not only could I see the drummer rocking out in the pit, I could see backstage.
We had to make a couple stops in the bathroom, because Elastic is quite the drinker.
(No surprise there)
She hit every water fountain in the joint.
I followed her along, whistling.
What was I whistling?
Phantom, of course.
What else do you whistle at Happy Days, the musical?
So, I'm in the bathroom, doing my business, and whistling, because the bathroom has great acoustics, and Elastics having conversations with old ladies.
I come around the corner, and she says, "Whistle something for them."
Note to you:
I cannot whistle on demand.
I start smiling, and getting all embarrassed, and don't do very well.
The only thing I could think of to whistle is "Girl From Ipanema".
How weird is that?
Whistling "Girl from Ipanema" to two old ladies in the bathroom.
They didn't even throw money.
Whatever ladies.
Next time.
Elastic and her family are very revered at church.
We walk in to the overflow, and as soon as we hit our chairs, they parted the accordian doors, and everyone "oohed", and "ahhed" at their radiance and beauty.
Church is where I learned that Elastic can make sailor hats out of church programs.
We went to Relief Society, and Elastic introduced me like this...
Elastic: This is my friend (throwing her arm around me) Carrot Jello!
Lady in charge: I'm sorry, Karen ?
Me: Yeah, Karen Jello.
Elastic: No, Carrot Jello
Lady in charge: Karen Jello?
Me: No, CArrot, like the vegetable?
Lady in charge: Carrot? Jello?
Me: It's Michelle.
Sheesh.
Then the lady started talking about their mid-week activity, waxing cheese.
Now, I don't know about you, but if my cheese has hair on it, I throw it out.
Apparently in Texas, they're more thrifty.
I never thought about waxing it.
Shaving, maybe, but not waxing.
Of course, I visited the one and only Dumas's Taco, and was very pleased.














and had this...














Tasty tacos! Handmade tortillas! I saw them making them!
Oh yeah, on an ant tablecloth.
Only cute if you don't have to deal with black sugar ants every summer.
So, I'm standing in line, waiting to order, and these three rednecks men come in, and one starts singing, "Tacos and beer, thank gosh I'm not queer!" and I'm astounded.
I'm pretty sure if you said that where I'm from, you'd be arrested.
Of course, I had to ask him to repeat it because I wasn't sure I hear right.
I did.
They drove away in this...













I know, right?
Did you notice both the van in the Dumass sign picture, and the truck both had flames?
I know, right?
Texas is so hot, even the cars have flames.
So, that's where I end today.
There's more.
I know, I know, you're tired.
Just lay down and eat some cookies.
I'll come in here when you're in a cookie coma and finish up.
I promise.