Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Hare to stay. I'm slowly turning into a man. I'm not in denial anymore. I can tell just by feeling my face. Over the last few years, I have developed man whiskers, and mutant hairs. The man whiskers are actual black man whiskers. (as in the color black, not like African American) I kid you not! I get one underneath my chin, and one on the side of my jaw. The mutant hairs don't visit me often, but when I find them somehow they've managed to grow to about and inch or so. They grow anywhere. My neck, my face. I've even had a mutant hair on my chest. How do they allude capture for so long? I'll tell you how. They are much finer hairs, and they don't prick me like the whiskers do when I rub my hand across them. Those man whiskers are easy to find, because they grow in the same spot, but they are hard to capture. For some reason, I always discover them when I am with other people, or in my car. I can NEVER leave them alone once I find them. Call me obsessed, but I must not stop until it's out. This is difficult because I NEVER have tweezers when I have one cornered, so I am forced to try and pluck it out with my thumb and pointer finger. You should try it sometime. It's very difficult. You think you have it, squeezing it between your fingers, and...YANK!...Nothing. Over and over and over again I try. All the while trying to look non chalant as I go about doing this, for people must never know that you have a man whisker. I act like I'm deep in thought. Rubbing my chin, kind of like "The Thinker". It borders on Obsessive Compulsivity (is that a word?) I feel compelled, even if others are looking at me like I'm searching for answers. My 11 year old noticed me doing it at the table one night and said, "MOM! Are you looking for your man whisker??" She was so embarassed. I don't know why. It was just our family around. I hope that when I'm in the nursing home she'll come and pluck them for me. I guess if they need money to keep me there, they could always set me up as a side show and charge people to see the bearded lady. Heck, maybe I should just stop plucking them now so I can have a little side job when we're retired.