Oinkle Doinkle

*Warning* Scantily clad fat girls It's that time of year. Oh yes. It's swimsuit time. That season of the year when skinny, fat, and in between, parade half naked in front of eachother while pretending not to care. Now if you're one of the skinny ones, you might be excited. "Oooh I lovvvve my swimsuit!" or "Yay! I get to go swimsuit shopping!" you might say. I personally lean toward the "Wonder if I'll even own a swimsuit this year" side. Last time I bought a swimsuit was 8 years ago when I was pregnant. It was purple, had a zipper, and looking back, I'm not sure why I bought this ugly of a suit. Last year I quietly threw it away. That's right, I am swimsuitless. I loathe the thought of buying a new one, because I know it's time for the dreaded swimsuit dress. That's right, the kind your grandma wore. I am no longer the svelte figure I once was. Four children, and 1 c-section later, throw in some junk food, and I have turned into a globby mess. So I turn to the internet, for if you're fat that's the perfect place to buy one. It comes in a box, delivered to your doorstep, and you can open it and try it on in the privacy of your home. No fat girl wants to go to a store and try on a swimsuit while the clerk is standing outside her door saying "how's it going in there?" What do you say? "Ah! Perfect! Thanks for asking!" then when you come out you hand her all your suits and she asks "How'd you do?" and I...uh...you say, "Okay, but I'm still going to look around" Trying to sound chipper, when what I...uh...you really want to do is throw my...yourself on the ground and cry, whilst eating a doughnut. The thing I'm trying to figure out is, why, when selling plus size swimsuits, do they model them on a size 8? I am smart enough to know that I will look nothing like "she" does in the same suit. I want to see fat people, modeling fat girl suits. Girls with big old hips, and sagging stuff. I want to relate to these models. A picture I can look at and say "Well, if SHE can wear that, then I can too!" While browsing the net, I did stumble upon a site that had themes for their suits. This ones called the pirate suit. Arrr. As you can see, she's making sure there's not another soul around before she proceeds cavorting down the shore... Yes, you laugh, but I know that's what's going through her mind. What is it with plus size swimsuit manneuqins with jewelry? Is this meant to distract people from the size and shape of your body? Yes, I may be fat, and look terrible in this suit, but LOOK at my necklace! Accessories for you swimsuit. As long as we're going down that path, let's just make a matching coat and pants to go with it. That way, if someone tells you to get your swimsuit on, you can say "Oh, I already have one on, see?" As you quickly flash them. Oh, and what's up with pools not letting you swim in anything other than a swimsuit? What's the harm in that? Growing up, the big rule at our public pool was "No cut offs!" Oooh...cut offs. DANGER! DANGER! Why? Is there a possiblity that someone could get their hair caught on the button of someones shorts? Why can't people swim in things other than things that resemble leotards? There are no overweight ballerinas. Why force them to wear these little things while swimming? Who made this rule, and why does everyone follow it?