Friday, May 26, 2006

Things are going swimmingly! So my kids started swimming lessons this week. I get to sit and observe for a half hour twice a week. I've started noticing ladies swimsuits. I'm in the market and, of course, I tend to look at the bigger gals and how they look in them. It's kind of like a mirror for me. Kind of a "Oh, so that's how I'll look!" It's a little akward, trying to look at their suit before they notice you staring at them, and they think you're some kind of freak or something. Stare, look away. Stare, look away. Anyhoo, I happened upon this large woman, and thought, "Well that's a nice suit that hides things real well! I should ask her where she got it!" She just happened to be coming to sit by me, and I hesitated a second after she sat down. There she was. Foam barbells in hand, and waiting for water aerobics to start. We both stared straight ahead. I got up my courage, turned to her, and blurted out, "I like your swimsuit!" Still staring straight ahead, she replied, rather coldly "Thank you.".... Hmmm, I thought to myself. I don't think she appreciated my compliment. Now she KNOWS I was watching her walk over to my bench and sit down. She probably thinks I'm some lesbian pervert that hangs out at the pool checking out the fat ladies. UGH! By the time I got done thinking all these things, it had been about three minutes, and I was kind of mad at her for thinking these bad things about me, so I didn't ask her the second part, which was "Can I ask where you bought it?" Which, in retrospect, I should have asked her, just so she knows I'm not a lesbian pervert. So, now I'm wondering if I should even try to ask her where she got it next week. If I do, will she think I'm a stalker? Why does this have to be so hard? I just want a swimsuit!