Oinkle Doinkle

I'm not always light minded. In fact, this is probably the only place I am all the time. If you were to meet me, you'd probably expect something different than what you'd get. I feel like sharing a dream I had once. I'm not sure why, because it's not funny or entertaining, but I shall share it anyway.
I had this dream while living in a small apartment out in western Kansas. I had three children, and honestly, this is not where I envisioned I'd be - ever. This town had about 2,000 people, maybe. Where they all were, I couldn't figure out. One variety store, and one grocery store. We lived three hours from a mall, and 1/2 hour away from a town with at least a Walmart.
More than once in my life, I have found myself asking Heavenly Father, "What did I do so wrong in my life that I am where I am?" Yeah, I know. Not something you should whine about. But I did.
One night I was on the phone talking to my cousin. She was telling me about this jewelry she had bought, a car she was getting, and a grandfather clock she was buying. I thought to myself, "Why does she get all this stuff? She didn't even graduate high school! I'm married to an attorney, and I'm stuck here in the middle of nowhere in an apartment!" Not that I wanted jewelry, and a grandfather clock, but some matching furniture would have been nice. I whined to myself probably the rest of the night. Finally, I fell asleep, and had this dream.
I dreamed that my cousin, the one on the phone, had invited me over to see her house she had re-modeled. In the house lived my cousin, her son, her brother, and my aunt(her mother). They were so excited to show me all they had done. I entered the house, and the first thing I noticed was how dark it was inside. There were no lights. The first bedroom they showed me (and all the bedrooms had the same layout)was my aunts. If there is a craft to be done, my aunt can do it. From making dolls, to painting and crocheting, she does it. They opened the door to her room, and it was dark, but I could see ceiling to floor, around the room, shelves. Shelves full of every kind of craft thing you could ever hope to want. There were two windows in the corner, and outside it was gray and rainy. They could hardly wait to show me the next room, which belonged to my cousin and her little boy. I opened the door, and it too, was dark. Like her mothers room, this room had floor to ceiling shelves around the room, but these shelves were crammed with every kind of toy your child could ever hope for. I looked outside from her windows, and it was still gray and rainy. Up next was her brothers room. It was covered in brass. The bed, the walls, the floor, the decor, was all brass. They kept saying how much they thought it looked like gold. His room was dark too, and out the window it was gray and rainy. They were going on and on about how wonderful everything was, but I wasn't impressed. His bedroom was the last one, so I headed back up the hallway to go out. On the way, I noticed a door they hadn't showed me. I said, "What's in this room?" My grandma said, "Oh, you don't want to go in there! There's nothing in there! Nobody lives in there." But I was curious, so I opened the door. They were pulling on my arm trying to get me out of there, but I was drawn into the room. It was a beautiful room, but had absolutely nothing in it. The carpet was a deep green, the walls, a light yellow, and the trim around the windows. That was it. No furniture, no art, nothing. Outside, the sky was bright blue, and the sun was shining. It felt so good to be in there. So warm, and inviting. I turned to look at them, and asked, "Why doesn't anyone live in here?!" I couldn't understand it. They couldn't understand why anyone would live in there if it had nothing in it. Finally they kept grabbing at me to leave, so I did. We walked outside, and before leaving I asked how much the remodel cost. My cousin happily said, "Only 23,000 dollars!" I was shocked, and asked how they could afford it. They told me it was okay, because they had put it all on credit card.
When I woke up, I realized that it's not what you put in your house, that makes your house. It's the spirit of your home, that makes it a home. I didn't need matching furniture, or any furniture at all, to make it a place that people wanted to be. A room could have nothing in it, but if it had an inviting spirit, people would love to be there. I felt bad for whining about the things I didn't have, when what I needed, I already had, and better yet, it was free.
I do tend to forget this lesson sometimes. In fact, after this dream, we moved into a house that I called a rat hole. The year we lived there, I would't let anyone come in, except for the Relief Society president. One day she sent me a letter. She told me that she loved the spirit in my house, and that it didn't matter what it looked like, she liked to be there. I was ashamed that I hadn't let more people in. I worried to much that they would judge me, when I could be sharing with them what I had.
In fact, living in that house was a blessing, because we sold it to the library, and made enough money to move back to Washington, and live until my husband found employment. It's a parking lot now.
Like I said, I'm not sure why I'm sharing this on my blog, but for the past couple weeks it keeps coming to me that I should. So I did.