Saturday, May 13, 2006

Hungry? I hesitate to tell people words that I cannot stand to hear. They usually use that word around me more than usual just because they think it's funny. So, gentle reader, please don't use this post as an excuse to torment me with these words. Words, that mentally, are like nails on a chalkboard to me. The first word is "snack". I can hardly type it out. I was once trapped in a car with a young mom and her son. It seemed like the whole ride, she kept saying that word. She'd say "Mommy will get you the snack" "Could you reach in the bag and grab him a snack?" or "How's your snack honey?" "You want more snack?" "Oh, he lovvves his snacks!" All I could hear whirling around in my head was SNACKSNACKSNACKSNACKSNACKSNACKSNACK! I wanted to poke her eyes out by the time we got to the pumpkin patch. Snack. Say that out loud for a moment. I'll wait- go ahead, just say it.....Now say it like this...Snnnaaaaaaaack. (Insert crazy-eyed emoticon here) So much of the worlds insanity has been caused by that little word, I'm sure of it. We need to just eliminate it from our vocabulary all together. The other words I cannot stand to hear or say are; "soil", "moisture", and "tenderloin". They make my skin crawl. For some reason, we used to have dirt in a wheelbarrow in the garage. I don't know, maybe it was potting soil or something. Anyhoo...I remember my sister and I playing in the dirt. (another weird random memory) We'd run it through our hands and say "Rich moist soyyyyyy-ol (soil)" and we'd say it over and over again. Maybe it's the "oi" sound I cannot stand to hear together sometimes. As for the word "tenderloin"- well, that just sounds wrong. Tender-loin. We should take that away too. Instead of "snack", we could say something like..."tasty morsel" or "something yummy". Instead of "moist", how about just plain old "wet"? And instead of "tenderloin" how about we say "tender piece of meat". Actually, I'm not sure I like the tender part either. That should be reserved for feelings only. How about "delicate cow meat"? Mmmmmm, that sounds appetizing.